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♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫


08092010
WEDNESDAY
16:56
STREET 81
ONE HOUR.


yesterday night's call seems like the world's greatest mistake.

it's left me feeling lost, dejected and useless. but it has also left me too hopeful, that I'm scared i might just die from disappointment if the truth turns out otherwise.

it was one hour, one of the longest, thank God it doesn't cost anything except time. HK was surprised because he usually calls instead, but my eyes hurt too badly yesterday to look at the screen.

it's scary the way little details sting more than the different lives we lead. it's the details that hint the beginnings of forgetting, the imminent change. i just hadn't expected it to be so sudden.

sometimes, i wished you knew how much your calls affect me, how much they really do to me inside. i cant see clearly past the accent anymore, and you become more distant and unfamiliar with each call. you run on a totally different stress level, different calendar, different climate altogether.

we've become strangers.

that's the thing i tried to stop, the thing i was afraid to let happen.

and suddenly, December has become a looming nightmare. i don't know whether we'll even recognise each other at the airport even if i were holding up a banner.

it's not like we don't make the effort, but we are two different souls, driven apart by different lifestyles and beliefs. for once, the physical distance between us matters, because it sets us apart simply by resetting your clock two hours before me.

it's knowing that the clock cannot go back, that things were too sudden for us to end properly. we are stuck somewhere in between leaving and staying. I'm not regretting, because it won't help. things are beyond my control now, i can only trust and pray.

i can't tell MY everything - she's too pure and innocent. she's my best friend because of he way she is; it's hard not to be protective of someone so vulnerable. i cant risk ruining her with my problems, that's why i have so much more in common with you than her. don't you see? it's not because you are more disposable, but more relevant to my life. it's just that she's flesh and blood right now, and you're the cyberspace cushion.

i don't know how much I've said will actually make sense here.

God, sometimes i can't even stand myself. how do i, then, expect you to stand me?

i need Changi village right now, because i don't know where else to go anymore.

and i really want to see Crystal right now. letting Xiao Yee take my baby away for five months has to be one of the toughest things i have to do. i feel guilty for visiting the pet shops downstairs and everywhere i go just to stroke the hyper dogs, but i know my baby's irreplaceable. it's getting to be so hard without her. i need her so much right now, but when this moment passes, it'll just be like another numb wait for the public holiday so i can see her again.

the problem is i don't dare to fuss over her too much went Xiao Yee is around, cause she doesn't pay me the same notice when Xiao Yee is around. it's hard each time not to be jealous and snatch her up, but I've got to remember that Xiao Yee is her owner after all. it's like she's home and I'm boarding school.

she's forever my baby, but she's not mine to keep after all.

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I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

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