28092010
TUESDAY
19:33
STREET 81
DIFFERENT.
sorry for the ultra-short post yesterday. i had alot to think about; going back to school has revealed new things I'm still learning to deal with one day at a time.
but the question still rings true:
WHAT
IS
YOUR
DREAM?
supposed you don't know what it is yet. you're thinking: how do you find it? what is life all about? what is it going to be of me? i find my answers in God, others find them in family responsibilities, many still are searching far and wide. you will know what your dream is when you find that life has taken on a purpose and a meaning, and you live each day with renewed hope that every step brings you closer to realising it. if you find that it's too delusive for your own hands, it doesn't hurt to ask God. He always helps, whether you know it or not. Mark 7:8, Mark 11:24, Matthew 21:22, Luke 11:10 and John 16:24 all tell of His faithfulness and goodness.
supposed you've forgotten it. say, you had one which you fought seriously for, but you got distracted - disorientated, veered off course, lost your spirit, whatever you call it - and now you can't seem to find a way back to it. you're disappointed, and you're probably thinking: What did i do wrong? Was it the wrong dream? Am i doomed a failure? the answer is simple. you can either revive your old passion for it - if it really was a part of your life you could try to relive some memories and carry the flame alive. Or you could try asking God to help. if it truly was your dream, He will put you back on the right path. you might not see it then, but when you look back at history, hasn't He been loving and merciful to us? if you seem to have lost it, He will put upon your heart a new dream, one that will rejuvenate your soul and stir your heart. Isaiah 13:19 speaks of God's eagerness to work in your life, to change the old heartaches to new joy.
supposed you got it! you're happy, delighted, JOYFUL even. you accomplished your life's task! but you still feel oddly empty when the sense of accomplishment and success wears off. you think: is this it? after the toil and labour, i get a momentary euphoria? what's the rest of my life about then? so you think your life holds no meaning now. well, Job 7:16 reflects this exact human thought. but the bible also tells us that God can give a new vision to us. like when you lost a dream, He can give you another bigger, better "souped-up with the onions" kind of dream you could never possibly fathom. your achieved dreams are like stepping stones to your final colossal dream you will achieve.
whatever it is, here's to LIVING YOUR DREAM. so i ask again:
WHAT
IS
YOUR
DREAM?
be seeing you guys again soon.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
27092010
MONDAY
20:13
STREET 81
BIG DREAMS.
my dream: world class photographer.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
21092010
TUESDAY
18:49
STREET 81
MID-AUTUMN FESTIVAL.
this little peice of information is from Wikipedia :
The Mid-Autumn Festival, also known as the Moon Festival, Zhongqiu Festival, or in Chinese, Zhongqiujie (traditional Chinese: 中秋節), or in Vietnamese "Tết Trung Thu", is a popular harvest festival celebrated by Chinese, and Vietnamese people, dating back over 3,000 years to moon worship in China's Shang Dynasty. It was first called Zhongqiu Jie (literally "Mid-Autumn Festival") in the Zhou Dynasty. In Malaysia, Singapore, and the Philippines, it is also sometimes referred to as the Lantern Festival or Mooncake Festival.
The Mid-Autumn Festival is held on the 15th day of the eighth month in the Chinese calendar, which is usually around late September or early October in the Gregorian calendar. It is a date that parallels the autumnal equinox of the solar calendar, when the moon is supposedly at its fullest and roundest. The traditional food of this festival is the mooncake, of which there are many different varieties.
The Mid-Autumn Festival is one of the few most important holidays in the Chinese calendar, the others being Chinese New Year and Winter Solstice, and is a legal holiday in several countries. Farmers celebrate the end of the summer harvesting season on this date. Traditionally on this day, Chinese family members and friends will gather to admire the bright mid-autumn harvest moon, and eat moon cakes and pomelos under the moon together. Accompanying the celebration, there are additional cultural or regional customs, such as:
~Putting pomelo rinds on one's head
~Carrying brightly lit lanterns, lighting lanterns on towers, floating sky lanterns
~Burning incense in reverence to deities including Chang'e (Chinese: 嫦娥; pinyin: Cháng'é)
~Planting Mid-Autumn trees
~Collecting dandelion leaves and distributing them evenly among family members
~Fire Dragon Dances
~In Taiwan, since the 1980s, barbecuing meat outdoors has become a widespread way to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Shops selling mooncakes before the festival often display pictures of Chang'e floating to the moon.
I've been debating whether to email HK about the festival, but i don't want to remind him about his plight any further.
yeah, i haven't been myself recently, staring and going to places alone again. it's the pit bottom feeling of helplessness and i can't do anything about it. music is not helping, and i'm quickly running out of things to sketch. I've put off writing this blog long enough, because every time i see the blog skin i just want to go a million miles away from this place. i don't know why either.
i mean, people tell me i should be happy. and yes, there are times when i am really happy: with my lovable cellies and family. but there are times when I'm alone, and then tears start coming down randomly. or i start to blank out with random memories, or i suddenly stop feeling happy because i feel so grossly overwhelmed that i don't deserve to be happy. it sucks especially in front of people I'm not so close with; they think I'm suffering from depression, going crazy or something close.
doing research on Old English houses for my essay. at this rate I'm five pages of size 10 font, so i have hope that it can be a small novel. the joke is maybe i can put all my blog posts together and name it "The Diary of a Science Wannabe" and then stock the shelves with it. don't snicker - it could be possible. I'm just saying.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
11092010
SATURDAY
17:13
STREET 81
EMO.
snippet from the latest essay:
Dusk finally settled on the sluggish coastal town. As the harsh golden rays hit the windows, the window blinds went down and the dawdling pedestrians vanished in an automatic, yet familiar fashion.
today makes a ten year memorial of the September 11 attacks on the twin towers of the World Trade centre. it seems like a long time to us, but for those who have lost someone, no amount of time can help. my heart goes out to you.
yeah, someone reminded me i'm very emotional lately. it's just that alot of things have happened recently, all at once.
i don't know either.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
08092010
WEDNESDAY
16:56
STREET 81
ONE HOUR.
yesterday night's call seems like the world's greatest mistake.
it's left me feeling lost, dejected and useless. but it has also left me too hopeful, that I'm scared i might just die from disappointment if the truth turns out otherwise.
it was one hour, one of the longest, thank God it doesn't cost anything except time. HK was surprised because he usually calls instead, but my eyes hurt too badly yesterday to look at the screen.
it's scary the way little details sting more than the different lives we lead. it's the details that hint the beginnings of forgetting, the imminent change. i just hadn't expected it to be so sudden.
sometimes, i wished you knew how much your calls affect me, how much they really do to me inside. i cant see clearly past the accent anymore, and you become more distant and unfamiliar with each call. you run on a totally different stress level, different calendar, different climate altogether.
we've become strangers.
that's the thing i tried to stop, the thing i was afraid to let happen.
and suddenly, December has become a looming nightmare. i don't know whether we'll even recognise each other at the airport even if i were holding up a banner.
it's not like we don't make the effort, but we are two different souls, driven apart by different lifestyles and beliefs. for once, the physical distance between us matters, because it sets us apart simply by resetting your clock two hours before me.
it's knowing that the clock cannot go back, that things were too sudden for us to end properly. we are stuck somewhere in between leaving and staying. I'm not regretting, because it won't help. things are beyond my control now, i can only trust and pray.
i can't tell MY everything - she's too pure and innocent. she's my best friend because of he way she is; it's hard not to be protective of someone so vulnerable. i cant risk ruining her with my problems, that's why i have so much more in common with you than her. don't you see? it's not because you are more disposable, but more relevant to my life. it's just that she's flesh and blood right now, and you're the cyberspace cushion.
i don't know how much I've said will actually make sense here.
God, sometimes i can't even stand myself. how do i, then, expect you to stand me?
i need Changi village right now, because i don't know where else to go anymore.
and i really want to see Crystal right now. letting Xiao Yee take my baby away for five months has to be one of the toughest things i have to do. i feel guilty for visiting the pet shops downstairs and everywhere i go just to stroke the hyper dogs, but i know my baby's irreplaceable. it's getting to be so hard without her. i need her so much right now, but when this moment passes, it'll just be like another numb wait for the public holiday so i can see her again.
the problem is i don't dare to fuss over her too much went Xiao Yee is around, cause she doesn't pay me the same notice when Xiao Yee is around. it's hard each time not to be jealous and snatch her up, but I've got to remember that Xiao Yee is her owner after all. it's like she's home and I'm boarding school.
she's forever my baby, but she's not mine to keep after all.
Labels: the things that happen变化
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
07092010
TUESDAY
19:58
STREET 81
LIFESTYLE.
they say lifestyle is a choice, a conscious decision of what you want to make of yourself. i tell them, praise is a lifestyle of faith.
faith can move mountains. faith lets you know what you're doing, you have someone that believes in you, and that you can believe in yourself too. faith lets you have the drive to move forward no matter what.
faith keeps me going. i don't know what i would do or become without it.
this is one week i have to think back about how i have been living my important year, and to see if i really am serious about life. i may have problems, but no one is without them, and i know my God is big enough to deal with them so i dont have to lose sleep.
ushering this week too, so i need a big motivation. also praying for healing, cause one of my eyes is red, and i can't wear my contacts, but my specs broke, so... :( patching some relationships this past week too; praise God.
this one is for you, HK.
<<有一天>>
有一天 你若觉得生活没有意义
有一天 你若真地想放弃
有一天 你若觉得没人爱你
有一天 好像走到谷底
那一天 你要振作你的心情
那一天 你要珍惜你自己
那一天 你要知道有人爱你
那一天 不要轻易说放弃
这世界真有一位上帝
他爱你 他愿意帮助你
茫茫人海 虽然寂寞
他爱你 愿你一生持久
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
06092010
MONDAY
16:28
BEDOK LIBRARY
DREAMS.
oh shit. why does prom have to be on 3 December? and it's 70 freaking dollars! i can't go! oh wells, have fun without me, people. and take lots of pictures of the layout, cause if i cant be there i might as well know what's going on afterwards.
one of the things on my holiday list is crossed out, and i need to work harder to get the rest crossed. but it shouldn't be hard with a little work :)
the cell's going to kelong, like finally. got the quotations, but scared the price is going to scare them off. if the don't sink any lines it's going to be fine i guess. oh and they finally can see what i do all my life during the holidays. i cant wait.
oh yeah, and i think mum's thinking of moving to the purple line, can you believe it? I've lived all my life in the east side of this silly island, and you go and plunk me somewhere foreign. I'll probably get lost everyday for the first week there, and I'll forever miss changi village. in fact i think I'll probably end up hating her forever for pulling me away from my whole life here. plus I'm really really scared that the people here won't remember me anymore once I'm gone.
for once the problem is not with my friends, but with me. i guess i just cant let go of this place.
Labels: tampines, will u miss ME???
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
04092010
SATURDAY
14:03
STREET 81
EQUILIBRIUM.
"1. a state of rest or balance due to the equal action of opposing forces."
yeah, i really need all the rest i can get right now. but I'm too tired to fight back sometimes, and then i can only blame myself.
"2. equal balance between any powers, influences, etc./ equality of effect."
balance between two influences - good and bad. they must exist together; one without the other makes no comparison and is therefore useless.
"3. mental or emotional balance/ equanimity: The pressures of the situation caused her to lose her equilibrium."
i may lose mine in the near future dealing with more than my own problems. up till the neck in them, but at least I'll survive.
"4. Chemistry . the condition existing when a chemical reaction and its reverse reaction proceed at equal rates."
looks like i really have to get those sweets for Lam. if me and qien were equals to start with, it wouldn't be so hard.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
01092010
WEDNESDAY
12:52
MRT TO DOVER
DANCE.
just rushed out of my first 3D movie at AMK Hub - step up 3D. rushing to meet mom now at Dover mrt to take the shuttle bus over to NUH. giving blood to Sam, and getting something of my to do list crossed out at the same time.
but I'm really nervous right now, and i don't know how it will turn out. maybe I'll go there but cant give. what am i going to do if that happens?
yeah, but I've got to stop freaking myself out. if i can give blood, it will be God to the glory and not me.
had a bun, and a wafer stick, but really too nervous to eat anything else. maybe another energy bar, but if i eat any rice I'm gonna puke out everything. just hope it will be fast, and i don't have any symptoms afterwards.
oh, and i have to write the movie review for step up 3 for Emilyn. good experience for 3D, but I'm sure 4D will be so much better. so I'm saving~
haunted changi up next. and you got to see my wallpaper right now :D
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
