♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫
04032010
THURSDAY
STREET 81
I CAN'T SLEEP.
the day's getting closer. my birthday i mean.
and i still remember a time when i looked forward to it. and time was only last year.
so many things that he said, all the little little mannerisms he had, all his pet peeves, his favourites, everything. everytime i look at a clock, a calender, even opening my eyes, a flood of painful memories fill my living space. every where i walk, i see events replaying. us still standing at the corner, arms locked, looking at each other. the pet shop downstairs where we would fuss about the 3 cute dogs and the cat, playing with them, holding hands. the same seats on 29 that we used to sit after we quarrel, fuming, writing little notes about our feelings to each other. the karaoke sessions with FIFteen, the duets, the fruit punch game.
so many painful things, and they multiply as the day gets nearer, every smile or tear seems to be magnified.i dont know how to last any longer. i keep praying that God will remove my insanity, and turn me back again. but at least God has told me that Pain os for growth, and He will be with me through whatever pain. the bible verse He gave:
"Then I would still have this consolation— my joy in unrelenting pain— that I had not denied the words of the Holy One."
Job 6: 10
i know that pain is to make me stronger, but even Jesus cried for God to take this cup away from Him. but i will be strong in him and i will continue to pray.
and i need to say
thank you to all the people who are concerned for me, or who have asked if i'm ok.
i'm fine, really. and i wont do anything stupid or disappear somewhere, i'll still be leading a fufilling life.
and trying to go get some sleep. record: 3 days. i really need some now.

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.