11022010
THURSDAY
21:37
JUST PLAIN DISAPPOINTED.
suddenly the songs from SIMPLE PLAN speak so loud to me.
today was a really long day. it wasn't as bad a other days, but it left me with a feeling of emptiness, and i asked Jesus where's the happiness you gave me in the morning? down in the pits lately, minyi says it's because I'm making everybody else's problems my own.
but at least what i'm doing is seeing light, cos Ivan finally came to school today.
maybe i think too much of myself, or think too much about what people say when i realise that they themselves do not remember what they've said to me.
so ended near to tears during PE, missed two buses in the morning due to excessive contemplation, sat past the 15 bus stop twice, forgotten string for Claire's hearts and resulting in leaving minyi to eat recess on her own.
finally ended crying in the afternoon after Po called to say Gong is really in a bad condition. sat there at the stairs, with the humdrum of drill calls and chatter from the canteen, and the sound of classical piano tunes. just sat there and cried and cried, just crying with the tears flowing down my face silently. i think Ivan saw.
he was walking with he guys - qien, terry, gavril, the rest - and i thought i saw him through all the tears, make a 180 degree turn, dragging qien. the boys were supposed to go up the flight of stairs i was on, to get a soccer ball i think, and i praise god he tactfully chose another flight of stairs far away.
i think he is the first person in EP to see me crying in school. and maybe he is concerned for me as concern as i am for him too. simple enough, and i guess that's good to know.
Lyrics: snippets i'm using to vent my feelings when the words i use just aren't good enough.
WELCOME TO MY LIFE
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
PERFECT
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
