little piece of heaven on earth.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

WEDNESDAY
11:13

continued from the last post... hope this is not too long so i can cram some stuff i want to write in.

"I can't believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He's gonna get you and after he's through
There's gonna be no love left to rye"

- there's a few inccidents for this one, but i'll go with the look on mom's face when i didn't make it dispite my results into NUS High. dan money faced people AGAIN -

"And I know that it's complicated
But I'm a loser in love so baby
Raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends"

- ok, maybe this is a good place to put what i want to say. first i wan to appologise, i wan to say sorry. i havent been a responsible leader, and more times than not, i chose to walk away then face the opposition. it meant letting you down, but you didnt give up on me. you believed whatever i did was good for us, and you gave me your respect. you believed i was strong, and at times, you were the only ones that kept me alive. because of your support for me, i was grreter than i ever should have been. you made me the leader, because of your support. most of the time it was simply you standing behind me (literally) that gave me equal standing with those i face. THANK YOU :). -

THERE I'VE FINALLY FINISHED IT. your turn, hengkang. :)

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

SATURDAY
13:45

hengkang and i were chatting about that song SPEECHLESS , and he dared me to explain in my own words, how is the song related to me? he will email me his version, and it will be up on my next post, cos it's still not here yet. i'm doing it verse by verse, so it should be ~~quite fast though...~~
here goes:

"I can't believe what you said to me
Last night, we were alone
You threw your hands up
Baby you gave up, you gave up"

- reminded me about the many quarrels me and daryl had -

"I can't believe how you looked at me
With your James Dean glossy eyes
In your tight jeans with your long hair
And your cigarette stained lies"

- the time dad had to quite smoking, man DID HE LOOK SCARY. as in 'havent sleep for few days' kind-of zombie like. but without the tight jeans though. * loud laughter * -

"Could we fix you if you broke?
And is your punch line just a joke?"

- mum went to hospital and stayed there 6 mths due to an appendix complication -

"I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless"

- the time i was surprised during camp by a barney-tuned song from my cellies -

"And I'll never love again,
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless"

- one time in encounter that made me seriously think about my love for jesus -

"I can't believe how you slurred at me
With your half-wired broken jaw
You popped my heart seams
All of my bubble dreams, bubble dreams"

- when the HOD in NUS High told me they couldn't let me in co i couldn't pay their school fees. damn money-faced people -

will do the rest next time...

till then enjoy this :)

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

WEDNESDAY
10:58

today, i'm starting with a quote about what i wrote earlier, then i'll tell u daryl's response to my little note.

here goes:

"i felt the lyrics (of the song OLD SCHOOL, earlier in the prevoius post)personally, because that's what we used to do. we killed time just sitting down and feeling the wind. i went back to changi village and i couldn't find the same old shops anymore after 1 year. i walked along the beach and ate the same nasi ayam, but the feelings are just different. there used to be fimiliar people, and warmth. now emptiness and longing fo that old time. i borrowed a rod from the bait uncle and bought sea worms from him, ended up fishing two hours. i got a few sand gobbys - released them and one snapper (!) gave it to the uncle. so i've not so forgotten after all. i still remember how to fish from a beach."

His reply:

"dear, sometimes we have to hold on to change.we cannot control change, just like we cannot control the way water flows in nature. if we constantly go against what is inevident, we will grow tired, and get disappointed easily. dear, you sounded very let down by change, and that if we could go back to the time we had then, we would. but, sharon, if we did go back, everything would not be the same, it would be mundane, because life is exciting when we don't know what's ahead."

thinking back, i now feel that we can oppose change, but we if we getdisappointed with change, we will become tired with our life. but i still have what i will always have, my memory.

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

15122009
TUESDAY
16:56
MRT
TAMPINES TO REDHILL

today is the auditions of Youthnet's got talent, and i still dont know what our group name is. Never mind, finished memorizing my lines, and still trying to make my voice sound teacher like, even though i know i sound like i'm talking to little children the age of four. kinda like talking to my little fans in gkids. who says that teachers usually treat us as 15 and not 4 anyway?

stayed up until 03:45 yesterday to do some packing for camp, and realised before i went to sleep that wednesday was my only free day. and on that ~~dumb~~ free day, i had to go to hospital cos mum was freaking out about a lump under my armpit.

maybe she has a right to freak out or at least get concerned(mum's main point) because she said that Aunty Erika had found a lump under her shoulder too, thaen the doctor said it was 2nd degree cancer (cacerina of the mammal glands AKA breast cancer) she had a relaspe after chemotherapy, but she's better now. thank God for the miracleshe does, and i'm sure whatever it is, god will see to it as the best for me.

been thinking after mom said that she was concerned(nope, i'm still going to highlight it) if i did get cancer, at 15, what am i going to do with my o-levels? would i still tell those friend that i left behind in life about my disease? how about Minyi? if i go with cancer now, she's going to feel alone again. someone left her in primary school, and i'm intending to stick with her, even if we go to different polytechnics(well,at least i am).

how about Hengkang? he told me begore that our friendship her in singapore will one thing that he still hopes to continue, so will i tell him anything? Will i still be able to find Mon Hsien for him? and patch him up with zuo lun and jun yan for them both to leave like that? and eventually, when he comes here for his tertiary education, will i be able to get used to him again? havent seen him in half a year already, still not used to it though. he says i have all the time in the world to, but do i?

maybe i'm just thinking too much, but i need to think about myself, now that i am financially separating from mum. i still havent absorbed the full impact of the card mum gave me, and i still havent fully realised what my experience will get me in the future. but i know it will definately not be a desk job.

now, at lavender station in the mrt, just realised singaporeans still havent gotten used to computers in the mrt. keepgetting people staring at me, or glancing at my screen and wondering why i have been typing from tampines to bugis. and some of them are
trying to read as i go. maybe if i type on the mrt, or public transport, i have to invest in a privacy screen. that and a computer cover. so i have a more respectable-looking computer to show the working world..

daryl called me today at around one in the afternoon, that's how i woke up today. he told me, he had thought about what i had scolded him for when i broke up with him, and he asked me out to lunch on christmas eve. i told him, i have an audition with my cell group today, cant talk now, but christmas eve i had a party. if he could come ot would be a good start to getting to know him again, and then he could come for stomp. he said, why caant we settle it between the both of us without public pressure? i told him, no, its not public pressure, its just that i am inviting him to know my friends. and oh, i said, if he could turn up for my audition today, maybe i will think about just two of us eating lunch, and the audition's at redhill, the one we went before, calll me if you reach. he didnt say whether he was going, but i know he wont turn up, because he wont risk a meeting with my friends. he said he would think about coming, but probably wont be able to make it.

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

i love deborah forever

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

TUESDAY
00:20

whoeverr thought of 24 hr readings are genius. the time at midnight always facinates me, that people, they believe them to be a total new count of the day's time, not twelve of something, but a zreo to the full 23:59.

shouldnt be thinking so much so late. maybe i should be lying in bed. but, i still wont be able to sleep.

had a rehearsal for YNGT, you know, i really enjoyed myself. my cell is great. they sure can always cheer depressed people up. maybe the whole busy life i plucked myself into, i need to go away from it awhile, chill with them.

through the rehearsal, we cracked up the joy hall, go check out facebook. and thanks to me losing the damn camera connection wire, i cant upload my phtos just yet. :/

you know, halfway through, i heard one line someone said. dont know who, but here it is: "pick up and try again. heck who cares if we mess up?"

i heard it in the same kind of tone before, but he when he told me, it was the "heck" sentence first.it was a different feeling from what he said. when he told me, it was a dare, a selfish act or a brushing remark.

with whoever said it today, a supportive cheer, a humble sentence to pull you forward when you think you suck.

and that the biggest difference.

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

SUNDAY
20:00
TAMPINES

my heart is breaking.
and it's not becoming whole again.

it's like a mirror, a reflection of what you have gone through. once it breaks, you cant piece it back. there will always be splinters, there will always be those clear lines, where the silver lining of the mirror has been rubbed off.

or like he once said, what we have is a crystal glass. itlooks good, but it takes time to be crafted. it isnt finised till the day we say it is, because we are always adding a rose mortif, of the faintest of swirls on the glass. but when it's really finished, it would not look like those we see in the display cabinets of shops, it would look like the result of two people, two different lives chosen to be melted together, and there on the glass it will be evident.

ours is a complete work by itself.
it will not be one we can share, because both of use have created each our own glass of this relationship. mine will have the scratches and the roses, but they will never be identical to yours. it will be a beautiful thing, i feel it is. but it is now, only a thing of beauty, not practicality, nothing more to gaze and remember of.

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

some people are irritating, not because they want to, but because their character irritates you.

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

SATURDAY
19:25
TAMPINES

finally
getting over something is always not easy, all the more for something so long. it's the little things that make up the worst of this healing.

talk about the BBQ yesterday. on the bus, hk's sms came in about the week. reading it was like reading what he would tell me about his week too. it kind of took everything in my spirit to stop myself from crying. i told hk, thank you for the sms, it really reminded me of the way best friends can care for each other, but i told him, it really is tearing me two ways. he told me, that over time, the things that hurt now wont hurt so much, and that all will clear itself up, in time.

what he said, i know it will come through one day. but i'm still waiting.

in the meantime, i will bear with the pain.

here's one picture i promised to put up, for the last time.

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.

♪♥♫ THE STARS LEAN DOWN TO KISS YOU. ♪♥♫

02122009
TUESDAY
TAMPINES
21:49

so much has happened during the holidays.

first the internship at mindchamps, and the clinic job, then the breakup.
i feel so tired.

i know that nearly everyone is asking about the breakup, but all i will say unless you ask me, will be here.

breaking up, didnt hurt as much as i thought. maybe because both of us knew it was the end. but, to see and greet a wounded opponent with a smile, is... not easy.
it ends up hurting you again.

but it will be a new start for me. and if he is seeing this him too.
it has been a long road, but we're splitting up now. so it willbe twoin the world where there was one.

the clinic job. being there, was fun, better than the internship in fact, however, it has caused me to be so busy.

i need to spend time with my cell, my family, and chrystal.

so i will be there on friday. see you guys.

oh and happy birthday emilyn :)

♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.