26012012
THURSDAY
20:05
STREET 81
WHAT I KNOW.
i don't know what people do when they're angry.
you could punch a wall, but that'll create the problem of fixing the wall or your broken knuckles. you could cry, but the you'll be too exhausted for what comes next. maybe you could go somewhere alone, but the again, people need you to be there and man up.
then there's the denial mechanism. it's a small thing inside all of us, the need to believe what we want to believe. the greatest way to lie, someone told me, was to tell people what they think they found out from you. tell them something that gives them power. maybe it's like that for yourself too. you tell yourself something that gives you strength and hope to carry on.
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the world keeps turning, it moves on with or without you.
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today i snapped a couple of shots downstairs. i realised that my best shot only come from the moments I've given in to my emotions. when the camera angle, brightness and all that techy stuff ceases to matter. when my heart says "now" and i just press the shutter button.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
it's a beautiful morning in Singapore. It's not a special morning, the sun's rays only peer around thick clouds that threaten rain. it may hold no particularly memorial event, or historical significance, but still a beautiful morning nonetheless.
it's dawn, and the sky has just tugged off the dreary covers of night. the air feels heavy with moisture and cold; the birds have not dared to disturb the silence yet. i sit at the playground and draw a lungful. my shirt and shorts hang limp with damp. the metal beneath my feet is spared the fat dew drops that have gathered throughout the night. everything is covered in a thin blue wash; and bright in high saturated colours the next as the sun overcomes the weariness of night. i lie back on the pleasantly moist plastic and watch the sun proudly announce the new day.
suddenly the fragile silence is broken by all sorts of noises at once: the birds, a car honking, gravel crunching under shoes, traffic hum, random chatter. the surreality of the moment passes. i close my eyes and let the familiarity envelope me. i focus, tune the noise out, breathe slowly and deeply again. the smells are gone, everything fades, until I'm finally at peace within me.
the emptiness is soothing, calming. it speaks of constants i can control, constants that control our humanity, and how it easy to eliminate those constants. distractions lose their place and purpose. everything, including breathing is devoid of meaning. i hold the small secret world and blissfully lose myself in the nothingness.
then i have to ope my eyes, and for a second i feel unbearably sad that that private world belongs to only one, the very definition of a lonely place.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
“They say that before you start a war, you better know what you’re fighting for.”
- The Cab (Angel with a Shotgun)
Everyone has regrets in life. the few pricks in their memories where they wish that they had the courage, reason or strength to fight for their passions. Most people also move on, but those moments keep replying in their minds. Some lose faith in the future and become mentally frozen to the spot, creating more regrets in the present. However, there a rare few that wait and bide the right time to go in a fresh pursuit of that regret, and change the course of their lives forever.
The thing you can’t have all your life is the thing that will remain the most perfect. It becomes the untouchable dream. It holds surreality, magic and the fear that is you did touch it, your life will drastically change. Many hold their dream in their hearts like a antique china vase - a precious, fragile thing only for closet admiration, nothing more.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
26122011
MONDAY
02:08
STREET 81
BLINDED.
This Christmas i spent a lot of time catching up on people's lives. seeing people hitch up, break up, grow up, screw up just reminds me that we all don't really know what's going on - we're trying our darnedest best to to be a better person, while having some fun. some things just happen beyond our wildest dreams, and other fall apart the harder we try to hold on to them. we all shouldn't try to hard, really, and just live the moment.
Christmas this year was actually quite meaningful, and I still am in denial that the most crazy, awesome and fulfilling year of my life (so far) is ending. This year i did so many fearless things, felt like a celebrity, gained recognition for my work, made crazy bucks, screwed things up.
I had so much fun being myself, and finally seeing my work getting some limelight in the local scene. next step: get bigger, better and go viral. the greatest feeling is to know what it feels like to have your name be worth something, to be a unique style in demand.
but this Christmas, is somewhat special too. it meant more than I thought it would. This year's Christmas had no tree, no presents under it, but was filled with the joy of friends. Family not so much, very little compared to past years. but it meant that Christmas was busier and somehow a little more rushed too. it was over too fast and I still don't have that jolly holiday feel yet. well, I guess it's a little to late now.
i also realized that most of my posts are at insane timings when I'm insomniac, so I over-think and write these emotional reflections. one resolution is to write these during the day, and see how different this blog becomes.
♥ I'VE GOT HEAVEN ON THE INSIDE OF ME.
peace and joy God has set me free.
peace and joy God has set me free.
